What's wrong with this picture?

Just to be clear, my quotes from the NJ DOE are not satire--
they are lifted directly from the NJ Core Curriculum Content Standards here.

I am not sure that folks outside education quite grasp what is happening within it.

I graduated high school in 1977. We had standards. Really.

I could handle a slide rule. I knew enough chemistry to make an attempt at creating nitrous oxide ("laughing gas") in class. I wrote history papers using primary sources. I could manipulate differential equations.

I learned to play the trumpet, use a miter box, kiss, gap a spark plug, and defend myself.

Some teachers were wonderful, a few were idiots, and at least one was a drunk.

Overall, I think public schooling did more good than harm.

***

New Jersey has a set of core curriculum standards; I imagine every other state has as well.

Before I go on, I want you to think about a 4 year old child. What should matter to that child? What should that child know?

In New Jersey, that same child is expected to "use basic technology terms in conversations (e.g., digital camera, battery, screen, computer, Internet, mouse, keyboards, and printer."

She is also expected to "use electronic devises [sic] (e.g., computer) to type name and to create stories with pictures and letters/words." Yes, our core curriculum standards committee apparently does not know how to use a spell checker correctly.

Young children do not need time in front of screens. They do not need to drop words like "digital camera" in conversation. ("Digital" is superfluous anyway--it presumes that some people still used film-based 'devises.')

***

Now imagine Elisa at 9. In most countries, she's still a child.

Here, she's required to "create a document with text formatting and graphics using a word processing program, create and present a multimedia presentation that includes graphics," and "create a simple spreadsheet, enter data, and interpret the information."

A little make-up and the right blazer, and she's ready for Kelly Services.

This is obscene.

***

By the end of 8th grade, Elisa will be able to "work in collaboration with peers and experts in the field to develop a product using the design process, data analysis, and trends, and maintain a digital log with annotated sketches to record the development cycle."

Why waste time in high school? She's ready for the boardroom.

***

By 12th grade, Elisa graduates from office clerk to corporate lawyer--she will be able to "demonstrate appropriate use of copyrights as well as fair use and Creative Commons guidelines" and "compare and contrast international government policies on filters for censorship."

If we work hard enough, she can pass the bar exam without bothering with law school.

***

I am a retired pediatrician. I know a little bit about kids. I am also a teacher. I know a little bit about the classroom.

Humans have not evolved much in two generations.

The committee developing the New Jersey Core Curriculum Content Standards might want to dedicate a few minutes of their next meeting to chatting with a live, normal school-aged child.

You can find plenty in the schools, sitting in classrooms. If you have trouble recognizing one (they tend to be smaller, less hairy, and cheerier than adults), a teacher will be glad to point one out to you.

Kids are kids, and no set of "standards" can buck a few billion years of evolution.